Paternity Leave - The best February ever!!!
It's February, and time for yet another blog to fulfill the 2020's resolution of 'one blog a month'.
This time around, I have decided to share a personal experience, something which I endearingly miss whenever I reflect on cherishing the moments.
Last year, in early 2019, I took my 12 weeks paternity leave to take care of my five-month-old son. My wife was going back to work after her maternity leave, and my mother was going back to India after helping us out in the initial parenting months. All this meant that I would be all alone at home with my son, to take care of him, play with him, and, more importantly, bond with him.
So why the best February ever?
As part of the twelve weeks paternity leave, I had three weeks in January, four each in February and March, and one in April.
Due to a significant snowstorm, my wife worked from home for a few weeks, and my mother was coming back for a second-visit in mid-March. Between both these events, I was left with the whole of February and part of March, and frankly, I have never spent a more precious February ever.
Children grow up fast, and as parents, we are so busy with day-to-day activities, that often we forget the details of their growing up journey. When we scroll back and look at old pictures, it is hard to believe how quickly their transition is happening.
For all new and future parents, take one humble advice. Live and cherish the initial growing years of your children, because you will miss them a lot going forward. Once they grow up, their worlds will change, and so will their responsibilities, and that time the early days will continuously flash in front of your eyes, reminding you about the most amazing memories you have spent with them. Every new move, every new gesture, every new gibberish word (which sounds much like 'Dothraki') is a snowball of happiness.
Over the years, February has been my least favorite month, for a variety of reasons. Growing up, it was the month before the final term examinations. During that time, our parents acted as a whole different species. Playtime was considerably reduced, extra care was being taken to ensure study time was prioritized, and above all, the immense pressure of doing well made the entire month a bitter experience for me. From the work side, it is also the month before the mid-year appraisals. Everyone is pushing hard to meet their project deadlines to ensure they are accounted for in the mid-year reviews. So, whether it be at school or work, February is short and bitter in all sense. To me personally, February brought about one of my worst memories in the form of a robbery. My brand new cellphone (which I had purchased from my first salary) and laptop were stolen from my apartment in Bangalore, and to date, that feeling of waking up and not finding my phone and laptop haunts me. Apart from the unsolved robbery, the month has also seen fights, brawls, and so many adolescent moments, that at times the simple thought of picking a happy memory is a tedious task. For me, February was always dark and disturbing.
However, all this was remedied with last year's breezy February.
For the first time in the last ten years, I did not have to worry about work for 12 weeks.
No daily standup, no status meetings, no deadlines, and all this while I was getting paid.
That's one of the good benefits employees are getting these days. Paternity leaves are great catalysts for bonding with your children, and it's great that companies acknowledge and respect the need for that time. They understand why this time is required and how difficult it is to raise a child, especially in the early months. Believe me when I say that the word 'leave' is just a calming sentiment. The whole time is a full-time job, which requires continuous attention and agility.
While growing up, the sight I usually saw in everyday homes was that the mother took care of raising the children, and the father took care of providing for the family, and it's a trend which is still existing across the world. So growing up, I saw the set of duties logically separated between the couple and amicably agreed upon as the norm.
However, with the changing world and working parents, the set of duties isn't a division anymore, and it's a significant change for society. So when I got the opportunity to fully take care of my son while my wife was working, it scared and encouraged me at the same time.
I felt encouraged because, as a parent, it was my duty to take care of my child irrespective of how well I could do it.
I was scared wondering, what if I do something wrong?
For me, the time of getting to know my son without anyone around me was a huge learning experience. He was able to relate to me better; he was able to adjust to someone new, taking care of him for most of the day. I was able to make him learn a different 'go-to-sleep' technique, and overall, I found quicker and efficient ways to organize the daily work.
Every day was new, every day was challenging and every day was super fun.
With kids, it is often difficult to bring them to a routine, and with infants, the task is even more challenging. Sometimes they will sleep for an hour, sometimes they won't sleep at all and the worst of all, sometimes they will sleep too much in the day and wake up more than usual at night. There is no fixed pattern, and as adults, adjusting to that ever-changing pattern can lead to irritation and sleep deprivation. All parents go through this cycle, and it's these little moments that remind us of our journey and how we transformed from adults to super-adults. Just like maternal leave, the paternity leave brings the father and child closer. They create a bond of trust and understanding.
I still remember the most interesting phase of the day was afternoon, which I termed as the 'post-nap' phase. My son had recently started eating solid food, and during feeding, he would make weird faces at the first taste of food. Each day we tried different foods, and the looks on his face brought a smile to mine. It was only around the eighth or ninth day that he stopped making faces, and we settled on oatmeal as the winner. In the evening, when my wife would come home, and the garage door opened, he would quickly direct his head towards the sound, and realize that his mother was back. At that time, all he said was gibberish, and today in the same setting, he says 'Mumma'... That's the magic kids bring with them, and that's why their growth transition is priceless.
I enjoyed those 12 weeks, and nothing else compares to it.
To all parents out there, if you have a pending paternity leave, use that time to know your child more because that time won't come back again.
This time around, I have decided to share a personal experience, something which I endearingly miss whenever I reflect on cherishing the moments.
Last year, in early 2019, I took my 12 weeks paternity leave to take care of my five-month-old son. My wife was going back to work after her maternity leave, and my mother was going back to India after helping us out in the initial parenting months. All this meant that I would be all alone at home with my son, to take care of him, play with him, and, more importantly, bond with him.
So why the best February ever?
As part of the twelve weeks paternity leave, I had three weeks in January, four each in February and March, and one in April.
Due to a significant snowstorm, my wife worked from home for a few weeks, and my mother was coming back for a second-visit in mid-March. Between both these events, I was left with the whole of February and part of March, and frankly, I have never spent a more precious February ever.
Children grow up fast, and as parents, we are so busy with day-to-day activities, that often we forget the details of their growing up journey. When we scroll back and look at old pictures, it is hard to believe how quickly their transition is happening.
For all new and future parents, take one humble advice. Live and cherish the initial growing years of your children, because you will miss them a lot going forward. Once they grow up, their worlds will change, and so will their responsibilities, and that time the early days will continuously flash in front of your eyes, reminding you about the most amazing memories you have spent with them. Every new move, every new gesture, every new gibberish word (which sounds much like 'Dothraki') is a snowball of happiness.
Over the years, February has been my least favorite month, for a variety of reasons. Growing up, it was the month before the final term examinations. During that time, our parents acted as a whole different species. Playtime was considerably reduced, extra care was being taken to ensure study time was prioritized, and above all, the immense pressure of doing well made the entire month a bitter experience for me. From the work side, it is also the month before the mid-year appraisals. Everyone is pushing hard to meet their project deadlines to ensure they are accounted for in the mid-year reviews. So, whether it be at school or work, February is short and bitter in all sense. To me personally, February brought about one of my worst memories in the form of a robbery. My brand new cellphone (which I had purchased from my first salary) and laptop were stolen from my apartment in Bangalore, and to date, that feeling of waking up and not finding my phone and laptop haunts me. Apart from the unsolved robbery, the month has also seen fights, brawls, and so many adolescent moments, that at times the simple thought of picking a happy memory is a tedious task. For me, February was always dark and disturbing.
However, all this was remedied with last year's breezy February.
For the first time in the last ten years, I did not have to worry about work for 12 weeks.
No daily standup, no status meetings, no deadlines, and all this while I was getting paid.
That's one of the good benefits employees are getting these days. Paternity leaves are great catalysts for bonding with your children, and it's great that companies acknowledge and respect the need for that time. They understand why this time is required and how difficult it is to raise a child, especially in the early months. Believe me when I say that the word 'leave' is just a calming sentiment. The whole time is a full-time job, which requires continuous attention and agility.
While growing up, the sight I usually saw in everyday homes was that the mother took care of raising the children, and the father took care of providing for the family, and it's a trend which is still existing across the world. So growing up, I saw the set of duties logically separated between the couple and amicably agreed upon as the norm.
However, with the changing world and working parents, the set of duties isn't a division anymore, and it's a significant change for society. So when I got the opportunity to fully take care of my son while my wife was working, it scared and encouraged me at the same time.
I felt encouraged because, as a parent, it was my duty to take care of my child irrespective of how well I could do it.
I was scared wondering, what if I do something wrong?
For me, the time of getting to know my son without anyone around me was a huge learning experience. He was able to relate to me better; he was able to adjust to someone new, taking care of him for most of the day. I was able to make him learn a different 'go-to-sleep' technique, and overall, I found quicker and efficient ways to organize the daily work.
Every day was new, every day was challenging and every day was super fun.
With kids, it is often difficult to bring them to a routine, and with infants, the task is even more challenging. Sometimes they will sleep for an hour, sometimes they won't sleep at all and the worst of all, sometimes they will sleep too much in the day and wake up more than usual at night. There is no fixed pattern, and as adults, adjusting to that ever-changing pattern can lead to irritation and sleep deprivation. All parents go through this cycle, and it's these little moments that remind us of our journey and how we transformed from adults to super-adults. Just like maternal leave, the paternity leave brings the father and child closer. They create a bond of trust and understanding.
I still remember the most interesting phase of the day was afternoon, which I termed as the 'post-nap' phase. My son had recently started eating solid food, and during feeding, he would make weird faces at the first taste of food. Each day we tried different foods, and the looks on his face brought a smile to mine. It was only around the eighth or ninth day that he stopped making faces, and we settled on oatmeal as the winner. In the evening, when my wife would come home, and the garage door opened, he would quickly direct his head towards the sound, and realize that his mother was back. At that time, all he said was gibberish, and today in the same setting, he says 'Mumma'... That's the magic kids bring with them, and that's why their growth transition is priceless.
I enjoyed those 12 weeks, and nothing else compares to it.
To all parents out there, if you have a pending paternity leave, use that time to know your child more because that time won't come back again.
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